Perfectionism: Signs for Educators

Today we are revisiting a Davidson Gifted Database Q&A with Dr. Thomas S. Greenspon, a psychologist and author nationally known for his work with gifted students. He has authored professional and popular articles and two books on the origins of, and recovery from, perfectionism. View the full Q&A here.

Since educators work with a variety of personalities, we want to discuss a personality trait which can affect a gifted student positively or negatively depending on how it is expressed – perfectionism. Someone who exhibits perfectionism compulsively strives for flawlessness and sets excessively high performance standards. Although it is wonderful to have highly gifted students who strive for excellence, the effects of perfectionism can be disabling. This Q&A session with Dr. Greenspon discusses perfectionism and how educators can work with student to turn this characteristic from disabling to enabling.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a desire to be perfect (not “almost perfect”), a fear of imperfection, and an emotional conviction that mistakes are signs of personal defects, and that being perfect is the way to be acceptable to others. The intense anxiety about mistakes is what separates perfectionistic people from those who simply pursue excellence. We are all disappointed when we make a mistake or do not make our goal; perfectionistic people may, in contrast, be devastated by this.

Are there signs educators can look for to determine if their students have perfectionist tendencies?

It’s easy to miss some perfectionistic gifted kids in school, since what you see is assignments being done well and handed in on time. A closer look might reveal anxious concerns about work being done in class, or about grades earned on work already handed in. Although many perfectionistic kids get their work done ahead of time, some are examples of a different “flavor” of perfectionism: procrastination. Not all procrastinators are perfectionistic, but sometimes kids seem less concerned about the nagging of parents and teachers than they are about handing work in and risking getting less than a perfect grade. As a result, they put off completion. If you see a student struggling with getting work started, or frequently re-starting because it isn’t “just right;” or if so much time is spent getting the answers to the first questions on a test just right that time runs out for completing the test, perfectionism may be part of the picture.

What problems can arise with perfectionism?

Most of the time, perfectionistic people simply experience a kind of chronic anxiety that goes with always having to do things the right or best way. For some, there can be more serious consequences. When depression is also part of the picture, the hopelessness of ever being able to be good enough can make the depression worse, sometimes to the point of becoming suicidal. Perfectionism can make eating disorders, depression, anxiety disorders, or obsessive compulsive disorders much harder to treat (and vice versa). Because some perfectionistic people can be hard on others around them, intimate or friendship relationships can also suffer. Another serious, and seemingly paradoxical problem with perfectionism is that the anxiety that goes with it actually interferes with success. That’s the basis for the old adage: “The perfect is the enemy of the good!”

Which classroom strategies would be most effective?

Perfectionism is a self esteem issue. Mistakes are seen as evidence of personal flaws, and there is a fear of not being personally acceptable. While it is important to encourage students, especially gifted ones who will most likely do fine, to relax and not worry so much about outcomes, it is typically hard for teachers to be helpful in this way because it doesn’t address the underlying anxiety. The stage needs to be set by initiating a conversation with the student. Mentioning your concerns about what you see, and wondering out loud about why getting things just right, or completely avoiding mistakes, is so important, is a good first step. Ask yourself whether your own expectations that a gifted student always do outstanding work might be in play. See if you can start an ongoing conversation about these concerns; this can typically be more powerful if parents are brought in as well. Do they see the same things at home? Have they talked about it? Is perfectionism a family trait?

Conclusion

There is a particular empathic understanding which is crucial to helping perfectionistic kids. While perfectionistic people can seem overwrought, overbearing, or puzzling in the intensity of their concerns, it’s important to keep in mind that fear sometimes motivates us to do crazy things. Perfectionistic people are not being dense or missing a point about the futility of their concerns; they are hoping to find a way to demonstrate that they are OK, and acceptable to others. Addressing those concerns is the essence of helping someone move past perfectionism.

A fuller discussion of these ideas can be found in my books, “Moving Past Perfect: How Perfectionism May Be Holding Back Your Kids (And You!), And What You Can Do About It,” and “What To Do When Good Enough Isn’t Good Enough: The Real Deal On Perfectionism.” For counselors and those working professionally with gifted kids, see “Perfectionism: A Counselor’s Role in a Recovery Process,” in the “ Handbook for Counselors Serving Students With Gifts and Talents,” edited by Tracy and Jennifer Cross.