This article highlights the vital role parents play in advocating for their gifted children’s academic and emotional needs. As children transition into gifted programs, parents must adapt, moving from active advocacy to encouraging self-advocacy skills. Both students and parents may face emotional and academic challenges, but embracing these changes can lead to growth. Building strong partnerships with educators and forming connections within the gifted community can provide valuable support and ease the transition into gifted programs.
Author: Potts, J.A.
Publications: Parenting for High Potential, June 2024
Copyright 2024 by National Association for Gifted Children. All rights reserved. Not for reproduction or distribution beyond use granted by NAGC for the Davidson Institute.
It is well-established that parents play a vital role in the intellectual development and social and emotional well-being of their gifted children. Parents are often the first to notice gifted characteristics in their children, and they can influence their attitudes toward school, their motivation, and even their academic achievement. And of course, parents are often the most tireless advocates for educational opportunities for the gifted.
Visit any online forum for parents of gifted children and you will find countless tales of parents fighting for accommodations, of endless email chains with educators, and of frustrating searches for appropriately challenging programs. For parents of twice-exceptional children, these battles can be even more intense, as many educators do not fully understand the needs of this unique population. Some parents even make the choice to homeschool their children, either because their local schools refuse to provide accommodations or their child’s giftedness is so extreme or asynchronous that even standard gifted programs cannot meet their intellectual needs. Advocating for gifted children can be incredibly stressful, and since American culture is not particularly interested in the plight of the intellectually precocious, parents are often left burnt out and isolated.
Ideally, families with gifted children will eventually find a program that meets their needs. Excellent programs for gifted children are able to support students academically, socially, and emotionally; are experts in differentiating based on preferences and readiness; will provide students with access to specialists and interventionists; and are staffed with highly qualified educators. The move to a gifted program could be a breath of fresh air for families, but it can also bring changes and challenges. While the literature on gifted programs tends to focus on the adjustment period for students, parents can also expect a period of change. Parents who have grown accustomed to fighting for every accommodation may find that they have to expend their energy in different ways, and parents who have spent years homeschooling their gifted children may struggle with their changing roles. This rearrangement can be challenging, but figuring out how to shift from management to support can lead to more productive partnerships with gifted programs, increased self-advocacy for gifted students, and stronger community ties for parents. Below are recommendations that were developed by administrators, teachers, and parents who have weathered these changes.
Change Is Natural
The simplest recommendation for families that are new to gifted programs is that change, while challenging, is completely natural. There is a great deal of research on this transitional period for students, and it should be heartening for parents who are wondering whether what their child is experiencing is normal. Before enrolling in gifted programs, students tend to have high self-efficacy and self-esteem, perhaps because they have been academic standouts in their regular education classrooms. However, being surrounded by intellectual peers can have unintended negative effects. The Big Fish Little Pond Effect (BFLPE) is a well-known phenomenon in which students experience lower self-confidence due to negative comparisons with classmates.1 Even though students in gifted
programs remain intellectually prodigious, they are no longer the exception, and this realization can have effects on academic achievements and aspirations. This new reality can be shocking to parents as well: not only do parents have to help their child navigate their changing self-concept, but their own sense of self as parents of stand-out pupils might be threatened. Thankfully, the BFLPE tends to be balanced out by the assimilation effect, which describes the feelings of self-efficacy that can come from being associated with other high-achieving students.2 Parents may also experience these positive effects, as they can take pride in knowing that their child is part of an outstanding group of learners. The roller coaster of emotions that can come with changes in self-perception is normal for both students and their parents. By embracing the inevitable shifts that come with new learning environments, parents can signal to their children that both change and challenge should be welcome.
Embrace the Struggle
Connected to the notion of change is the possibility of struggle. Students who are transitioning into gifted programs may discover that they have to work hard for an A, perhaps for the first time in their academic careers. While some students relish the idea of intellectual challenge, others recoil from it, especially if their self-concept is dependent on their ability to easily sail through classes. The best thing parents can do at this stage is to help their child embrace the struggle that comes with academic rigor. However, this task sometimes requires a reorientation, where parents must first develop realistic expectations about their child’s abilities. While their child may have been the lead dog in their old school, they may only be in the middle of the pack in a challenging gifted program. In some cases, families may discover that their child struggles with executive functioning, or they may uncover a learning disability that only became apparent after the child was properly challenged.3 These kinds of realizations and discoveries should be framed as largely positive: Learning how to struggle and “fail well” are valuable skills, and it is preferable for students to learn them in a supportive environment than in college. However, that positive framing needs to be continuously reinforced by parents. If parents push back against growth-based challenges or affirm students’ negative perceptions, then the transition into the gifted program is bound to be bumpy.
Promote Self-Advocacy
The advocacy work that parents do on the behalf of their gifted children is vital. However, once a child is in an established gifted program, it is important that families shift their energy from parent-based advocacy to promoting student-based, self-advocacy skills. In educational settings, self-advocacy can be defined as the ability for learners to recognize and speak up for their specific needs without compromising the dignity of themselves and others.4 Self-advocacy instruction has been associated with positive postsecondary outcomes, more satisfying personal relationships, and an increased sense of confidence.5 The research makes it clear not only that self-advocacy skills must be taught explicitly, but also that children cannot learn self-reliance and self-advocacy when parents continuously come to the rescue.6 Of course, parents should engage in thoughtful scaffolding as their children are developing the capacity to self-advocate, which might include teaching them conflict resolution skills or showing them how to craft a professional yet persuasive email. Parents can help their children to understand their rights as gifted learners, allow them to discover their learning preferences, and encourage them to make strong connections with the educators in their gifted programs. Parents can put their experience to work by passing the torch of gifted advocacy on to the next generation.
Create Partnerships With Schools
A recent article in The Atlantic introduced the notion of “parent diplomacy,” which author Sarah Chaves describes as the tightrope that teachers must walk between adhering to school policy or educational best practices and the needs or desires of parents.7 Chaves argues that while this kind of tug-of-war can be exhausting, interactions between parents and teachers can be fruitful and goal-oriented if the groundwork is laid for a dialogic relationship. Research on gifted advocacy seems to agree with Chavez, with studies finding that collaborative approaches that focus on relationship building and problem solving are more effective than aggressive or adversarial approaches.8
Viewing the parent-teacher relationship as a partnership between equals who have complementary—albeit different—roles goes a long way toward improving communication. It is beneficial for parents to recognize that the classroom is the domain of educators—–many of whom have specialized training in the needs of gifted and twice-exceptional students—–and that teachers often have to make decisions that balance the needs of individual students with those of the entire class. Similarly, teachers should respect parents’ roles as the experts on their children. Parents are deeply aware of their children’s learning preferences, overexcitabilities, and communication styles. They are often the first to identify gifted characteristics in their children, and they can be an important source of cultural understanding for diverse gifted students.9 Parents can also give teachers a clearer picture of how students are accessing and interacting with curricular materials at home. Finally, teachers can call upon parents to support the social and emotional needs of gifted students at home, as parents are often better equipped to help their children navigate social challenges and emotional upheavals.
When both schools and parents recognize, understand, and respect the parameters of the different roles they play in the lives of gifted children, they are more likely to view each other as complementary rather than competitive.
Get Engaged and Make Connections
Parenting gifted children can be a lonely experience. Many parents report feeling isolated in larger school communities, especially if the school is not supportive of gifted education.10 Some parents even avoid using the word “gifted” around other parents to avoid any negative stereotypes or perceptions. However, joining a gifted program gives parents access to a new community of like-minded adults who understand the joys and challenges of raising highly able children. Parents often find that their peers are an ideal source of information, not only about their specific gifted program, but also about other opportunities that might be available. Parents who either work within the school system or who have close ties with teachers and staff can also assist families who are either new to the program or who are struggling to access it.
Getting engaged with a gifted program takes some effort, especially if the program has not had much experience partnering with parents. However, engaged parents are able to enact change and feel more fully invested in their children’s programs. Parents can volunteer in the classroom, join parent-teacher associations, or help coordinate alumni groups. Parents are also essential for organizing afterschool clubs and academic competitions. If schools or programs don’t have specific tasks prepared, it is useful for parents to specifically tell administrators and teachers how they can help. This directness can be especially useful for new or small gifted programs. Families often have know-how or connections that would be extremely beneficial, and parents who let school staff know about their various skills may find themselves fully enmeshed in the program in no time at all.
Joining a gifted program can be a big change in the lives of both gifted children and their parents. The good news for parents is that if they have found a program that is the right fit for their child, then they have already done most of the hard work. Parents can serve as models for their children, showing them how to face change and challenge while establishing themselves in the gifted community. Plus, creating connections with gifted educators and fellow parents within the gifted community can be incredibly rewarding, especially when everyone involved is working toward a common goal.
Resources
- The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children: In this book, Dr. Gail Post not only covers parenting strategies and educational options, but she also discusses the emotional challenges that parents of gifted students often face.
- The Power of Self-Advocacy for Gifted Learners: Teaching Four Essential Steps to Success: Author Deb Douglas provides research-based strategies that educators and parents can use to teach self-advocacy skills to gifted students.
- A Guide to Self-Advocacy for Gifted Students: This blog post from Ilana Teitelman offers specific and practice advice about self-advocacy to both gifted adolescents and adults.
- TiLT Founder Debbie Reber Shares Her Best Self-Care Strategies: Self-care is crucial for parents of gifted students. In this podcast episode, Debbie Reber advocates for sustainable self-care practices for
parents of atypical children.
Author’s Note
Jessica Potts is the Curriculum Coordinator at Davidson Academy Online, a virtual school that serves profoundly gifted students in the U.S. and Canada. Her doctorate is in Secondary Education, with an emphasis on gifted education and online learning. She is a four-time recipient of the Blackboard Catalyst Award, a winner of Blackboard’s Exemplary Course Award, a recipient of the J-WEL Vox Innovators Award, a winner of the WGC School
Global Award Initiative, and is the NAGC Curriculum Studies Chair-Elect.
Endnotes
- Ludtke, O., Koller, O., Marsh, H. W., & Trautwein, U. (2005). Teacher frame of reference and the big-fish-little-pond effect. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 30, 263–285.
- Cialdini, R. B., Borden, R. J., Thorne, A., Walker, M. R., Freeman, S., & Sloan, L. R. (1976). Basking in reflected glory: Three (football) field studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 34, 366–375.
- Reis, S. M., Baum, S. M., & Burke, E. (2014). An operational definition of twice-exceptional learners: Implications and applications. Gifted Child Quarterly, 58, 217–230.
- Brinckerhoff, L. (1994). Developing effective self-advocacy skills in college-bound students with learning disabilities. Intervention in Schools and Clinic, 29, 229–238.
- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.
- Fiedler, C. R., & Danneker, J. E. (2007). Self-advocacy instruction: Bridging the research-to-practice gap. Focus on Exceptional Children, 39(8), 1–20.
- Chaves, S. (2023, September). Parent diplomacy is overwhelming teachers. The Atlantic.
- Duquette, C., Orders, S., Fullarton, S., & Robertson-Grewal, K. (2011). Fighting for their rights: Advocacy experiences of parents of children identified with intellectual giftedness. Journal for the Education of the Gifted, 34(3), 488–512.
- Ishimaru, A. M. (2019). From family engagement to equitable collaboration. Educational Policy, 33(2), 350–385.
- Matthews, M. S., Ritchotte, J. A., & Jolly, J. L. (2014). What’s wrong with giftedness? Parents’ perceptions of the gifted label. International Studies in Sociology of Education, 24(4), 372–393.
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