The intense emotions and heightened sensitivities that come with being profoundly gifted can often lead to frustration and outbursts. It’s likely not just related to their academics; gifted children’s deep emotional responses, perfectionist tendencies, and even social disconnection all play a part.
Common Causes of Anger in Gifted Children
Gifted children experience emotions and the world around them in profound ways. These tend to be different from how non-gifted people go through life, which is why it’s essential for us to understand the most common causes of gifted children’s anger:
Emotional intensity and sensitivity: One of the main characteristics of gifted children is how deeply they feel emotions. They often exhibit heightened sensitivity to their surroundings and the emotions of others. This intensity and sensitivity can make it difficult for the profoundly gifted to regulate their emotions, resulting in angry outbursts.
Overexcitabilities: This goes beyond being sensitive; overexcitabilities refer to reactions that last longer, occur frequently, and are incredibly intense. These heightened responses to intellectual, emotional, sensory, psychomotor, or imaginative stimuli impact mental development. There’s a possibility for great joy equally as much as great frustration.
Perfectionism: Many gifted children pressure themselves by having exceedingly high expectations. This can stem from internalized perceptions or even being used as a role model for other students. Should these individuals not meet their self-proclaimed standards or think they’re failing, gifted children grow angry.
Boredom: Lack of challenge in the classroom is a common source of frustration for gifted students. When they are placed according to their age instead of their ability, they may feel underwhelmed with the material being taught. Disengagement and boredom descend into anger.
Social isolation: If they’re in a learning environment where their peers don’t share similar interests, gifted children may struggle to form friendships. This leads to feeling misunderstood or unaccepted altogether, which could cause the child to isolate themselves.
Understanding common causes can help parents like you provide better support in the home and serve as an advocate for your child in the classroom.
Identifying Triggers and Patterns
Keep in mind that it may be difficult for your child to pinpoint exactly what is causing their frustration. To help prevent future anger incidents, focus on identifying triggers and patterns.
Step 1: Start a Conversation
Although your child may not immediately know the best way to talk about what upset them, it’s critical to ask them what’s going on/what they’re feeling and keep an open mind. Frequent and effective communication is the first step to identifying why your gifted child is angry.
When talking to them, approach the conversation with empathy and patience. For example, you might say, “I know school can be challenging, and it’s okay to feel upset. Can you tell me more about what’s making you angry?” This approach acknowledges their feelings, encourages them to express their concerns, and helps them know they aren’t alone in solving whatever problem they’re facing.
Step 2: Record Moments of Anger in a Journal
The second step you can take to monitor when your gifted child feels angry is to keep a journal. Daily observations can help you gauge if there’s a pattern and know when to intercept. Here are some things to include in your entries:
- Note the date and time of when the incident occurred.
- Describe what was happening before, during, and after the outburst.
- Include details about the environment and who was present.
- How was your child expressing their anger? Include both verbal and non-verbal cues.
- Jot down potential triggers that might have contributed to their anger.
Step 3: Look at the Roles Environment and Routine Play
Since your observations include notes about your child’s environment, you should be able to find a pattern after a few weeks. Was their routine interrupted? Are they lacking structure in their day? What were the stressors happening at that moment? Perhaps they’re always in science class when their frustration reaches a peak. Or maybe it’s the crowds and noise when transitioning classrooms that sets them off.
Of course, getting some of this information requires having those one-on-one conversations, so don’t forget to ask!
By tracking and analyzing your child’s anger, you will gain valuable insights that you can share with them to help both of you understand their emotions and triggers better. Consider sharing with the rest of your family and their teachers to create a broader support system.
Strategies to Manage and Reduce Anger
Once you’ve started regular emotional check-ins, you can adjust routines and create a plan to address the underlying causes of anger. But this won’t happen overnight. To ensure your child can effectively manage their emotions in a sustainable way, consider a few of these strategies:
Learning about emotional awareness and self-expression: You can help your gifted child articulate their feelings by teaching them emotional vocabulary. Additionally, provide safe outlets—such as art, writing, or physical activities—to allow them to express themselves creatively and release pent-up emotions.
Practicing healthy coping mechanisms: Deep breathing, exercise, and mindfulness are just some of the many coping mechanisms out there, but they can be good places to start. Each empowers your child to regulate their anger and stress, ultimately building emotional resilience.
Finding appropriate challenges: Traditional school curricula may not fulfill your gifted child, as it often progresses at a slower pace and doesn’t dive deeply into topics. If your child isn’t already part of a gifted education program, look for one in your area. Being appropriately challenged in the classroom could mitigate the frustration they’re feeling.
Exploring enrichment opportunities: Encouraging your child to engage in hobbies and interests outside of a school setting can help manage anger. From summer programs to extracurricular clubs, there are ample opportunities to pursue non-academic passions while simultaneously helping them decompress.
Fostering positive social interactions: Enrolling in gifted education programs or participating in extracurricular activities connects your child with like-minded peers. They share experiences and can easily understand each other, opening the door to lasting friendships.
Support Your Child Holistically
As you and your child navigate this journey together, remember that the best thing you can do is be there for them. Instead of asking yourself, “Why is my child so angry?”, ask them directly. See how they’re doing in the classroom, but don’t make every conversation you have solely about their academic achievements. After all, their frustration could stem from unmet emotional needs, not just school.
Family involvement plays a huge role in navigating emotions. Parents and siblings can provide a safe space for the gifted child to express their anger without fear of judgment. It’s also helpful to have the whole family participate in regular activities that promote open communication and emotional bonding.
Davidson Young Scholars
Davidson Young Scholars is a free support group for gifted teens and their families, connecting them with others in the gifted community. Within the Young Scholars program, you’ll have direct access to people who understand your child’s unique needs and to resources that will help you navigate your journey.
Learn more about the application process and eligibility requirements.
Seeking professional help
If you’ve tried all of these techniques or your child isn’t communicating with you, it may be time to reach out to a professional. Find a therapist who specializes in working with gifted children with this map tool.
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